Who I Am vs. Who I Was - Shawnalee Dixon's Testimony
I am merely a woman of God professing and sharing what God would allow me to. I’ve never been led to share this kind of testimony before maybe because I have been looking at the circumstances and not God but today my eyes are fixed and I dear to reach and encourage someone that God is real and He is more than able to do the exceedingly abundantly above all we can ask or think, just believe. As a teenager, I struggled with quite a number of issues because of the abuse and trauma I was going through at a tender age.
The beginning or rather before I entered high school I was a brilliant & good athletic young girl who wanted nothing but to make my mother proud and to excel as much as I could & so I aimed at doing the best I could at all times. My family was always supportive & very loving until my grades started falling. My passion for netball was gone & I started to become someone no one could understand, it was then they realized something must have gone terribly wrong. I did not talk, I couldn’t and so all I could do was to write even when tears were falling from my eyes. One day I was summoned publicly by the school’s guidance counselor, being unaware I hesitated but eventually I realized that one of my diary leaf was found and that’s when everything was revealed. My mother did not know how to deal with this issue seeing that she went through the same. But in the midst of it all, I can now look back and thank God for the person I am today, I am still living with the abuser due to reasons beyond my control now and even though sometimes I get fearful, God has given me a heart to love & to see him as God would see him, also the scripture declares that God did not give me a spirit of fear but of love, power& a sound mind hence through the Word I find strength. There were days I showered in pain & blood, there were days I would cut myself to numb the pain. I could not report it because I was told it would destroy our family & especially that he is the sole breadwinner at the time. There were days I wanted to die, I felt ugly and I questioned God but getting to know who God is, I now believe without the shadow of a doubt Phil 8:28. Our circumstances doesn’t change who God is and it doesn’t change the fact that His heart is touched when we hurt.
At one point I turned to homosexuality but even then the hand of God was upon my life. For me, I just wanted love, I wanted to feel apart of but through it all, I’ve learned to trust in Jesus. It’s not and won’t ever be easy but please understand too that all situations are uniquely different but there is always someone that is willing to pray with us, talk to us, encourage us and remind us of our true identity which is found in Christ.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I dare to encourage someone today, stay in God. Abide in Him continually, seek His face & always try to be transparent before Him. I still struggle sometimes to do which is right but that mostly happens when I become distracted and that’s the time we seem to be most vulnerable. Since the death of my mother, a lot of persons are coming around but one thing the scripture encourages us to do is to pray without ceasing even when it’s hard to pray, once our spirit is in tuned then God will respond and sometimes too we should become desperate before God especially when we need Him to come through for us. This life of Christianity is not an easy one but Christ has already overcome hence we are overcomers through Him, let us walk therein. The word of God also plays an integral role in a believers life if we continue to meditate upon it, hide it in our hearts so as to help us not to sin against God (Psalm 119:11). We are fully equipped as Christians hence applying the Word to our everyday lives makes living becomes easier for us. So no matter what you are going through remember you are equipped with the word of God that is alive and active and sharper than any doubled-edged sword (Heb. 4:12) and the Holy Spirit - our Paraclete. You are an overcomer & someone is waiting and praying for your transformation and deliverance. There is life in abundance for you in Christ Jesus.
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